Best Quotes About Funeral

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. -Mark Twain

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. -Steven Wright

The Nobel is a ticket to one's own funeral. No one has ever done anything after he got it. -T. S. Eliot

An obituary should be an exercise in contemporary history, not a funeral oration. -Peter Utley

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead. -Samuel Goldwyn

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening. -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Success is a public affair. Failure is a private funeral. -Rosalind Russell

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. -Erma Bombeck

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. -Mark Twain

You can have money piled to the ceiling but the size of your funeral is still going to depend on the weather. -Chuck Tanner

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. -David Letterman

And whoever walks a furlong without sympathy walks to his own funeral drest in his shroud. -Walt Whitman

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment. -George Ade

If you want to really know what your friends and family think of you die broke, and then see who shows up for the funeral. -Gregory Nunn

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. -Yogi Berra

I seldom go into a natural history museum without feeling as if I were attending a funeral. -John Burroughs

The first funeral for Andrew Goodman was at night and it was a lot of work. To begin with they had to kill him. -Jimmy Breslin

When a nation's young men are conservative, its funeral bell is already rung. -Henry Ward Beecher

When I was 7 years old, I put on shows for everyone at my grandpa's funeral. I was always the little entertainer. -Natalie Portman

It's bad taste to be wise all the time, like being at a perpetual funeral. -D. H. Lawrence

I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing. -Chuck Palahniuk

I'm more interested in the meaning of funerals and the mourning that people do. It's not a retail experience. It's an existential one. -Thomas Lynch

When elected officials abandon our environment and ruin our natural resources, public health is endangered. I know the importance of providing a clean environment for our children; I have attended more than one funeral for a child who has died from an asthma attack. -Gwen Moore

He came to the States in 1963, I think with a view to making up with my mother, but that didn't work. He came for three weeks, and drank his way all over Brooklyn. And went back… I went to his funeral in Belfast. -Frank McCourt

To the solemn graves, near a lonely cemetery, my heart like a muffled drum is beating funeral marches. -Charles Baudelaire

Funeral by funeral, theory advances. -Paul Samuelson

I have always loved the process of making the music, reading the letters from the fans who get married to my music, have children to my music and play my music at their funerals. -Wynonna Judd

I shall never forget the despair and agony on the parents' faces on the awful day of the funeral when the 13 little children, victims not only of John D. Rockefeller, but of the government of the state of Colorado were buried. -Ella R. Bloor

Laura Bush went on national television during the week of my father's funeral and spoke out against embryonic stem cell research, pointing out that where Alzheimer's is concerned, we don't have proof that stem-cell treatment would be effective. -Patti Davis

I checked myself out in that funeral parlour scene. I saw myself laughing, because there was a shot of Ed and I together and Mary was right in back of us. My head turned from the camera and I saw myself laughing, because Mary was absolutely brilliant in that thing. -Gavin MacLeod

I never go to funerals. To me a person is dead when he breathes for the last time. After that, your memories should be personal. -Hedy Lamarr

It is like visiting one's funeral, like visiting loss in its purest and most monumental form, this wild darkness, which is not only unknown but which one cannot enter as oneself. -Harold Brodkey

We make mistakes, we have our faults, and God knows some of us have more than our share, but when danger threatens and duty calls, we go smiling to our own funeral. -James Larkin

Michael died five years ago this January, and the first thing that really struck me about the script was the part about her peeling off from the funeral and just getting into a rowboat and having a real kind of cry where nobody was. -Judi Dench

I got asked by a freelance journalist to jump in front of Princess Diana's funeral. How pathetic is that? That would have been the stupidest thing on the planet. -Mark Roberts

When I die, I'll probably climb out of the coffin and play the organ at my own funeral! -Rick Wakeman

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. -Eddie Cantor

I wanted to make a human monster. His name is Coffin Baby. The idea is based on a group of people from Pasadena whose names I can't mention. His mother died and during the funeral, this baby came out of her in the coffin. -Tobe Hooper

As soon as people see my face on a movie screen, they knew two things: first, I'm not going to get the girl, and second, I'll get a cheap funeral before the picture is over. -Lee Marvin

Each family of the United States military now attends to their loved ones funeral with a wrenching worry that it will be met possibly with a protest or a demonstration. -Steve Buyer

My own funeral, I'd like to be laid out in a coffin in my own house. I would like my coffin to be put in the double parlor, and I would like all the flowers to be white. -Anne Rice

It matters not what your individual position is on either war we are currently prosecuting – in Iraq or Afghanistan – certainly we can all agree protesting at military funerals is a cruel and unnecessary hardship on our military families during their most difficult hour. -Solomon Ortiz

These funerals always appear to me the more indecent in a populous city, from the total indifference of the beholders, and the perfect unconcern with which they are beheld. -Karl Philipp Moritz

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. -Garrison Keillor

I've a great fancy to see my own funeral afore I die. -Maria Edgeworth

If you don't go to other men's funerals, they won't go to yours. -Clarence Day

Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral. -Charles Lamb

Depressions may bring people closer to the church but so do funerals. -Clarence Darrow

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in. -Irvin S. Cobb

Inheritance taxes are so high that the happiest mourner at a rich man's funeral is usually Uncle Sam. -Olin Miller

But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. -Jerome K. Jerome

Old age: I fall asleep during the funerals of my friends. -Mason Cooley

Rome – the city of visible history, where the past of a whole hemisphere seems moving in funeral procession with strange ancestral images and trophies gathered from afar. -George Eliot

Worldly faces never look so worldly as at a funeral. They have the same effect of grating incongruity as the sound of a coarse voice breaking the solemn silence of night. -George Eliot

What men prize most is a privilege, even if it be that of chief mourner at a funeral. -James Russell Lowell

The formal Washington dinner party has all the spontaneity of a Japanese imperial funeral. -Simon Hoggart

Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men. -Quintus Ennius

If we have another 2,000 people killed, I want Nancy Pelosi and George Soros, John Conyers and Pat Leahy to go to the funeral and say, 'Your son was vaporized because we didn't want to dump some guy's head under water for 30 seconds.' -Peter T. King

Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral. -Demetri Martin

I remember when my father passed away, we drove the funeral procession past the bank so he could say one last goodbye. That's how much the bank meant to my father. -Alexi Giannoulias

I remember in 'Pride and Prejudice' I had to do a scene where I broke down. And before we filmed I spent like three hours imagining my mum's funeral. Actually, she's very much alive, happy and healthy. It was really horrible. -Carey Mulligan

I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death… I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals. -Emma Thompson

My biggest blast-off hit was 'You Raise Me Up.' If you ever have a wedding or a funeral, it's a good pick. -Josh Groban

I've been at the funerals of a lot of people in my neighborhood. Sometimes when I sit back and relax, I think about that and just blank out. -Carmelo Anthony

Yeah, like, when I look back on my life, I just remember back what happened in '74, or something. It seems like only the real good stuff comes to mind. I don't think of all the tragedies and all the funerals. That just doesn't come to mind at all. I guess I'm really blessed that way. -Gregg Allman

I wanted to be at my sister's funeral, but my family has always had a complicated dynamic. -Nick Carter

I never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says I look like I just came home from a funeral. This is not bragging. This is an illness. -Carl Hiaasen

I've lost both parents in the last two years, so you pick up on that stuff. That's the most terrible thing about being an author – standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. -Terry Pratchett

I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral. -Keith Richards

Love is the funeral of hearts. -Ville Valo

Secular humanists can sit around and talk about their love of humanity, but it doesn't stack up against a two-millennium-old funeral high mass. -E. O. Wilson

I was one those kids who had books on them. Before weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, funerals and anything else where you're actually meant to not be reading, my family would frisk me and take the book away. If they didn't find it by this point in the procedure, I would be sitting over in that corner completely unnoticed just reading my book. -Neil Gaiman

Obviously if you are an accountant, a criminal lawyer, a president, or a senator, or if you work in a funeral parlor, you have to wear a tie, but more and more people are wearing very casual clothes. -Jean Pigozzi

My solo album is dead and buried. We had the funeral. It was sad and I cried a lot but it made such a beautiful corpse that we had an open casket. -Shirley Manson

I was fantasising about my own death, I started thinking what my funeral would be like and what music would be played, I was at that level of insanity. -Billy Corgan

People don't understand that all presidents, the minute they become president, get a knock at the door. And there's a man there saying, 'Let's talk about your funeral.' At the time I thought, God, that's a terrible thing. Later on, I thought it was pretty wise. -Nancy Reagan

I remember from my father's funeral that the minister kept using a metaphor about life of a prism. And I took that away like a cherished image. -Anna Deavere Smith

I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high. -Albert Brooks

As a pastor, you get invited into the most poignant moments of people's lives. Whether it's a wedding or a funeral or a hospital visit, you get invited into the center of the event, whether or not you know the people. -Rob Bell

I have experienced a murderer among my friends. Many, many years ago. At close range I have seen the impact of it. I knew the victim, I went to the funeral, I have been to the house, to the specific room where the killing took place, and I was stunned by it. It's such a blow. -Karin Fossum

I really want Americans, and all of us, to be less afraid of death, and know that it's a passage, but that – don't go to the funeral before the day of the funeral. -Valerie Harper

I guess I do prefer a ball cap. I have performed without a cap, mostly at funerals and weddings. -Rodney Atkins

I'll always remember when I bumped into Good Morning America's Robin Roberts on a flight to my mother's funeral in 1994, and how kind she was during that difficult time. -Gayle King

When my mother died, my father was in a crisis, my sister was in a crisis, everyone was in a crisis. I went round the night my mother was lying in the kitchen, and I organised everything, from the undertaker to the funeral… I looked after everybody, I sorted it all out and I've done so ever since. -Stuart Rose

I pointed out that the Atlanta Olympic bomber – as well as Timothy McVeigh and the people who protest against gay rights at military funerals – are Christians but we journalists don't identify them by their religion. -Juan Williams

By the 1980s, practically no one under 60 in the real civilian world wore hats for anything except weddings, funerals or Ascot. Hats had been in competition with hair, and hair had won. Thirty years before that, Brits of all classes and ages wore hats all the time. -Peter York

I am at a crossroads; I have always been against armed opposition… I have chosen civil disobedience. But I will apologize to my people if there are funerals coming out of prisons. I will criticize myself and I won't be the mayor of Diyarbakir. -Osman Baydemir

I've had to write a column an hour after I've come back from a funeral. A deadline is a deadline, I mean, that was just what my job was. -Laurie Notaro

You can't choreograph death, but you can choreograph your funeral. -Marina Abramovic

I was friends with Susan Sontag the last four years of her life. She had this amazing charisma and so much energy, but she had a sad little funeral in Montparnasse in Paris. It was rainy. It was all wrong. And I was thinking, 'God, she loved life so much.' -Marina Abramovic

In the United States, large corporations control some members of Congress. All this does is delay the corporation's funeral at our expense. -Nassim Nicholas Taleb

I have asked to have no funeral, and no memorial service. I hate other people's and would certainly not appreciate my own. -Charles Saatchi

I grew up in a secular suburban Jewish household where we only observed the religion on very specific times like a funeral or a Bar Mitzvah. -Jesse Eisenberg

Talk to people no one else is talking to. Who would have thought that giving a speech at a funeral at age 12 would introduce me to a man who would introduce me to my first business contact who would introduce me to several other important people in my life. That's luck. That's randomness. -Ben Casnocha

I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. -Les Dawson

I can't admit things; that's why I can't go to funerals and stuff like that. I find it very, very difficult to deal with that kind of reality. I shut myself off totally because it affects me so badly. -Simon Cowell

There are so many cruel decisions parents have to make when their child dies. The funeral director requested a sheet for the coffin, and I sent the cozy flannel one, pale blue with happy snowmen, that had just been put away with the winter linens. -Ann Hood

The rationale for tenure is still valid. But the system has turned the academy into one of the most conservative and costly institutions in the country. Yes, conservative: Economists joke that their discipline advances one funeral at a time, but many fields must wait for wholesale generational turnover before new approaches take hold. -Francis Fukuyama

Jazz came out of New Orleans, and that was the forerunner of everything. You mix jazz with European rhythms, and that's rock n' roll, really. You can make the argument that it all started on the streets of New Orleans with the jazz funerals. -The Edge

It amazes me that the most Christian funerals are the most barbaric funeral rites of passage that are celebrated anywhere in the world. -Steve Earle

I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' -Matt Roper

I am a born-again atheist, so there isn't going to be a funeral. I will be buried in a linen wrap in a cardboard coffin in my forest with an oak tree planted on my head. -Felix Dennis

I was raised Catholic. Not just a little bit Catholic, like my wife, Catherine. When she was young, many Catholics in France already barely went to church, except for the big three: baptism, marriage, and funeral. And only the middle one was by choice. -Frans de Waal

The saddest face I ever saw on Martin Luther King was at the funeral of the four little girls slain in Birmingham, Alabama. -James A. Forbes

At my aunt's funeral, I promised myself that I wouldn't be bound by the belief that I'm supposed to stay in anything – whether it's a relationship, a job, a house, or a circumstance – if it makes me miserable. She gave me the courage to find my own happiness. -Jill Scott

I used to sing at funeral homes for families that didn't have a vocalist. I didn't get paid. I needed to sing. -Anita Baker

The sort of lifetime achievement stuff that I'm getting now is kind of like Tom Sawyer's funeral because they all know I'm sick. I am getting buildings named after me and awards and stuff. -Sam Simon

I have prayed with the families and wept at the funerals of Hoosiers who did not shrink from 9-11 but grew into heroes whose names will forever be engraved in the heart of a grateful nation. -Mike Pence

There will be no funeral! Before I get too old and ill, I'll go to South America and live among the Pemon people and meditate. When the time is right, they can throw my body into the volcano. -Brian Blessed

Some people hate funerals. I find them comforting. They hit the pause button on life and remind us that it has an end. Every eulogy reminds me to deepen my dash, that place on the tombstone between our birth and our death. -Regina Brett

Previous generations understood about death, and undoubtedly would have seen a reasonable amount of death. Once you get into the Victorian era, you might well have seen the funerals of many of your siblings before you were very old. -Terry Pratchett

That's the most terrible thing about being an author – standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill. Who was it said – one of the famous lady novelists – 'unhappy is the family that contains an author'? -Terry Pratchett

What you need is one black dress I call Plan B. It doesn't have to be fabulous, it just looks good, covers up the problems and is neutral enough for dinner, business, a date, a funeral. You don't overwear it, you don't overwash it, because the Plan B is – gold. -Salma Hayek

Sometimes, when full and in fear that I will continue to eat unwanted food just because it's staring at me, I will place my napkin over the remaining portion. This is what I frequently refer to as a 'food funeral.' -Rachel Nichols

When people connect to my work, it makes me feel great. A lot of that stuff is really deep, and when I play something and people feel what I feel, and use it in important situations in their lives, like at weddings or funerals, that's so powerful. It means I can connect with them on an important level. -Xavier Rudd

The funeral business is so manipulative emotionally. I would want to be thrown into the sea or burned – something that's not a big hassle. -Bjork

I've got no idea when I am going to retire. Whenever they pick me up and take me to the funeral home, I guess. -Colonel Sanders

When I was a kid, I would fantasize about my own funeral. -Noah Baumbach

Almost any poll of regular churchgoers will reveal that their favorite book in the New Testament is the Gospel of John. It is the book that is most often used at Christian funerals. -John Shelby Spong

In Ethiopia, food is often looked at through a strong spiritual lens, stronger than anywhere else I know. It's the focal point of weddings, births and funerals and is a daily ceremony from the preparation of the meal and the washing of hands to the sharing of meals. -Marcus Samuelsson

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again! -Stan Laurel

You can easily take photographs at a wedding – no one would question it. But funerals are different. -Martin Parr

I always take photographs when I attend a funeral. Most people there know who I am and expect me to be there with my camera. -Martin Parr

I delayed my father's funeral because of cricket. -Virat Kohli

I grew up in the suburbs of a small town on the south coast where the only opportunity I ever got to wear anything smart was a funeral, so I had never owned a piece of clothing worth more than £40. -Tom Odell

What was very interesting to me about Clementine Hunter's work is that she couldn't read or write, and she has recorded history of the plantation life and the southern part of the U.S. – the cotton harvests, pecan picking, washing clothes, funerals, marriages – in pictures. -Robert Wilson

The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way, you can break the ice. It's crazy, but even at funerals, people will get huge laughs. -Adam McKay

I don't believe in funerals. I believe in celebrating life, and showing people, while they're alive, how much I care about them. And I don't believe in this business of burial. I'm an organ donor. Whether its my skin or my eyeballs, use whatever bits are intact and put the rest in the garbage. -Carmen Dell'Orefice

So many of us have loved ones and people we really care about, and the only time we show affection is when they are gone. I have preached at funerals, and you see loved ones who didn't even say hello to dear ones when they were alive. Give them hugs, kisses while they are alive and need it. -George Foreman

Growing up, I saw my mother cry exactly once. The morning of her brother's funeral. One long tear ran down her cheek through her make up until she caught it near her mouth and patted it dry with a tissue she pulled from inside her sleeve. -Kelly Corrigan

Cinemascope is not for men, but for snakes and funerals. -Fritz Lang

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. -P. J. O'Rourke

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence. -Ronnie Barker

My father died in France, and my sisters and I went over with my mum to bring back his body. I remember going to the funeral parlour in France and being given a laminated menu of coffins, and thinking, surely there is an ice cream at the back of here! -Rachel Joyce

You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours. -Yogi Berra

At my funeral, if one said, 'Nick was a generous person,' trust me I won't be doing cartwheels in my coffin. Recognition from people is never and never will be a goal. Some people strive for that respect or honor. Living a life to just reach for the position and status is vanity and sin. -Nick Vujicic

I'm used to being in front of camera and knowing what to think. But if you're asking me to be me, I get very self-conscious. My job isn't to be me. Being an actor, people think you can do a eulogy at a funeral, a speech at a wedding. I find all that very nerve-racking. -Eddie Marsan

If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you in the funeral experience, you will find your definition of success. -Stephen Covey

What does homophobia look like when it's stripped bare of fancy costumes like family values and tradition? It looks like that group of strange, angry people who protest at the funerals of U.S. soldiers who've died fighting for our country. -Jane Velez-Mitchell

A friend of mine said something powerful at his grandfather's funeral. He said that the greatest lesson from his grandfather's life was that he died empty, because he accomplished everything he wanted, with no regrets. I think that, along with leaving a legacy, would be the greatest sign of success. -Marvin Sapp

My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation. -Kevin Hart

If you love helping people, and you love trying to bring comfort and peace to their life at a very, very difficult time, you're going to have to look pretty hard to find a profession that gives you more opportunities than the funeral business. -Steve Southerland

I don't like my parents; I never will. I didn't cry at either of their funerals. I haven't missed them for five seconds. I didn't – you know, our characters were so at odds with one another right from the beginning. But I do understand them now as human beings, with the understanding of an adult. -David Small

I've always said I would want to be a funeral director if I wasn't an actor. -Torrey DeVitto

The stories my pupils told me were astonishing. One told how he had witnessed his cousin being shot in the back five times; another how his parents had died of AIDS. Another said that he'd probably been to more funerals than parties in his young life. For me – someone who had had an idyllic, happy childhood – this was staggering. -Erin Gruwell

If at my funeral they're talking about my boxing stories, I'd be disappointed because this is just a springboard for when I'm finished. It's just a game. It's pretty silly when you think about it: two grown men punching each other in the face and taking it seriously. -Mark de Mori

Life should not be a funeral march to the grave. We should have the capacity for being able to lift up not just public dialogue, but lift up each other in a greater cause of nationhood. -Dennis Kucinich

In my early teens, I acquired a kind of representative status: went on behalf of the family to wakes and funerals and so on. And I would be counted on as an adult contributor when it came to farm work – the hay in the summertime, for example. -Seamus Heaney

We're passionate musicians, but we felt classical concerts were more like a funeral because nobody talked and everybody was dressed so conservatively. We thought that's kind of strange, because music is full of life! We thought we could break through that barrier with theater and comedy elements. -Aleksey Igudesman

I had a sort of classic moment when a friend of mine rang up and said she'd just been to a funeral, and in the middle of the eulogy, this kid had taken out the phone and had a whole proper text conversation – while everyone was weeping! -Beeban Kidron

I grew up in a funeral home. Both my parents were morticians. -Tamara Tunie

I grew up in a funeral home, born and raised, and everyone was always like, 'Well, what was that like?' and I was like, 'It was normal', because it's all I knew. -Tamara Tunie

I've been a fascinated observer of grand public funerals since I was a kid, starting with the life-altering black-and-white images of President John F. Kennedy's funeral. -David Horsey

If I talk about my father's funeral, as I did when I was promoting the last novel, 'Being Dead,' I'm not going to tell any lies, but there are certain things I'm not going to tell you, and I'm certainly not going to tell my grief. -Jim Crace

Dad's funeral was standing room only; most in attendance were strangers to me. At the back, a lone Marine stood silently, then left. People told me he'd saved their life or helped them in their darkest hour. -Ian Watson

The priesthood is not dying, but the clerical state is dead. It needs to be buried, preferably with a Viking funeral in Boston Harbor so nobody can miss the spectacle of its passing. -Eugene Kennedy

One of the things that was most shocking to me about starting to work in the funeral industry is just how industrial the environment is. -Caitlin Doughty

The home funeral – caring for the dead ourselves – changes our relationship to grieving. If you have been married to someone for 50 years, why would you let someone take them away the moment they die? -Caitlin Doughty

The biggest problem is the funerals that don't exist. People call the funeral home, they pick up the body, they mail the ashes to you, no grief, no happiness, no remembrance, no nothing. That happens more often than it doesn't in the United States. -Caitlin Doughty

I don't want the sort of funeral that everybody else has, but there is one hymn, a good Protestant hymn, and it is sung at all Protestant funerals, and I think I should have it sung at mine. It is called 'The Day Thou Gave Us Lord is Ended'. -Jennifer Johnston

I've laughed hysterically, just trying to hold it in, at every funeral I've been to, because everyone's so serious. And there are a lot of people speaking publicly, which makes you understand why it's people's number one fear – because everyone shouldn't do it. -Jerrod Carmichael

My mum had 14 pregnancies – but only four of us survived. We had a little sister born for a few days and she died. There had to be a funeral. -Tyson Fury

I tell my children now that they are older, 'If something happens to me… don't make no big fuss over me. Don't make no big expense on my funeral. Don't put any pressure on the rest of the family. I've loved everybody, and I hope they loved me. But don't create this big expense for the family.' -B. B. King

If my fans want to do something for me when that time comes, I say, don't waste your money on me. Help the homeless. Help the needy… people who don't have no food… Instead of some big funeral, where they come from here and there and all over. Save it. -B. B. King

You know you're getting old when you go to more funerals than you do weddings. -Jimmy Dean

We don't do funerals in my family. -Marie Helvin

I expect my immortality will last about six seconds after my funeral. -Donald Hall

I'm from New Orleans, which is all about direct engagement out in the street with all the parades and Mardi Gras Indians and jazz funerals. I'm trying to take that and put it into my generation, a group that doesn't have enough joy and celebration in their lives. -Jon Batiste

The people who were marching at Peggy O'Hara's funeral gave the impression they were associated with the INLA, which is supposed to be on ceasefire and to have decommissioned some of their weapons. I ask if they could have honoured her in a more dignified way. -Martin McGuinness

I was still a recruit in the Boston Police Academy when I attended my first police funeral. It was September 28, 1970. I remember it still. -William Bratton

I remember going to a funeral at a very fundamentalist church, and I just had to get out of there. I went out in the parking lot and just sobbed. I think there was a sense of loss of that little boy not knowing if he was right or wrong. Everything I grew up with I had to walk away from. -Wes Craven

I find old women at weddings and funerals attractive; I have this weird mortality thing. -Liev Schreiber

I was so angry at God for taking my father from me that I marched up to my mother before the funeral and told her I was going to quit nursing school. I just wanted to stop living. -Bonnie Hunt

There is something irresistibly funny about a funeral. More basically, I think the point is that beyond the deepest tragedy, there is laughter. Even in the midst of tragedy, there is always the possibility for it. -Del Close

I always say to people that Zimbabweans are the funniest people in Africa; we even laugh at funerals. And it's true. I mean, there are so many jokes about funerals. There are so many jokes about AIDS. We find ways of coping with pain by laughing at it and by laughing at ourselves. -Petina Gappah

A man is known by his works. That I have heard at many a funeral. -Winslow Homer

There have been times when I've felt inappropriately emotional. I remember making 'The Most Hated Family in America' about the Westboro Baptist Church, and being on the way to a funeral of a U.S. soldier with the Phelps family; they were going to picket the funeral. -Louis Theroux

Just like every person who works for Dortmund is a fan of the club, it was the same at Mainz. When I was a player there, we had 800 supporters on rainy Saturday afternoons, and if we died, no one would notice or come to our funeral. But we loved the club, and we have this same feeling at Dortmund. -Jurgen Klopp

My biggest pet peeve is when you go to a fine restaurant, and it's like a mausoleum inside. Good food should be joyful. There should be laughter and chatter, not people sitting there like they're in a funeral-parlor waiting room. -Jim Harrison

The years that remain are clearly limited. When you're 80, you attend a lot more funerals. A lot more people are having a hard time and are ill. -Judith Viorst

I went to Jimmy Gandolfini's funeral, and when I was there, I realized Jimmy Gandolfini didn't have Twitter. -Alec Baldwin

A funeral was a great form of entertainment. A wake was a great form of entertainment. -Frank McCourt

However you feel about Dimebag, this is one of the most influential metal guitar players of the '90s. I was just talking to someone that I am hiring to bring on the tour who said that, when he was at the funeral, that Eddie Van Halen came and put his striped guitar in the coffin. That's a pretty big deal. -Glenn Danzig

In Arab culture, music is for celebration. You don't play music at funerals. -Daniel Barenboim

I was friends with Susan Sontag the last four years of her life. She had this amazing charisma and so much energy, but she had a sad little funeral in Montparnasse in Paris. -Marina Abramovic

I'm a typical Irishman in that I only get home for weddings and funerals. -Walter O'Brien

I played a funeral convention once. York Casket Company pays well, in case anyone's wondering! -Chris Young

During my grandma's funeral, I looked over once and saw my mom crying, and I felt so bad for her. -Kendra Wilkinson

If I were to die today, I would be nervous about what people would say at my funeral. I would be happy if they said things like, 'He was a nice guy' or, 'He was occasionally decent' or, 'Mike wasn't as bad as a lot of people.' -Mike Yaconelli

The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral – whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love? I want to foster eulogy virtues when I'm in a yoga class or meditation session or any spiritual gathering. Especially if I'm lying in corpse pose. It just makes sense. -Maggie Rowe

As a kid, I would wake up, and there'd be a jazz funeral while I'm walking to school. And when I come home, you can find Rebirth band playing for a birthday party the same day. -Trombone Shorty

In New Orleans, we celebrate everything. It's probably the only place you'll see people dancing in a funeral home. -Trombone Shorty

'Four Weddings and a Funeral' is one of my favorite movies, and I laugh all the time, and I cry during the one funeral. But I'll say that 'Monsters, Inc.' is a movie that really gets me super-emotional. Especially the ending. -Kumail Nanjiani

Many communities have turned a blind eye to what goes on inside funeral homes, as many people prefer not to know the ins and outs of the business. In addition, grieving customers in need of funeral goods and services may not be in a healthy state of mind to make financial decisions. -Perianne Boring

Grief has similar side effects of alcohol consumption, such as numbness, guilt, and depression, resulting in less alert and price-sensitive customers. In addition, the funeral industry is somewhat taboo in the sense that communities in general don't communicate with one another about what are acceptable practices in this industry. -Perianne Boring

After Jessica Mitford published 'The American Way of Death' in 1963, to expose the abuses in the funeral industry, a groundswell of support for government intervention followed. Under President Ronald Reagan The Funeral Rule was first enacted to protect consumers from deceptive practices, but the rule has yet to put the nail in the coffin. -Perianne Boring

Bergman movies were the most influential. They used to show at Goucher University, which was where my parents used to live. 'Brink of Life' was the first one I ever saw. Three pregnant women in a maternity ward and their misery – I love that. That is what I want to show at my funeral. -John Waters

When my dad left public life, I was 13 years old. I went through my teen years and into adulthood in relative anonymity. After my dad's funeral, I was suddenly recognizable to people I passed on the street. -Justin Trudeau

My mom works in funerals, and my dad works at Burger King. -Kelly Marie Tran

When I was 14, during Kim Il-sung's funeral, I wondered, 'How could a god die?' -Lee Hyeon-seo

When my grandfather died, I was on tour, and I didn't go to the funeral. I never got to say goodbye, and this is one of the problems of being in a rock band is that you're away, and your loved ones die, and you can't even see them. -Dolores O'Riordan

I missed a lot of family weddings and funerals because we were out on the road and had these big gigs, and you can't pull out of these gigs at the last minute because too many people are counting on it. It got to the point where I was consumed with that. -Dolores O'Riordan

The trouble with dead people often begins with something called the Death Master File, which is kept by the Social Security Administration. Every day, new reports are added, provided by relatives, funeral homes, and the state agencies that issue official death certificates. The list contains 90 million reports. -David Fahrenthold

'Selfie' is the word du jour, and it became cause celebre at Nelson Mandela's funeral when the Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt took a selfie with U.S. President Barack Obama and U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron. -Richard Quest

Don't go to the funeral until the day of the funeral. Live this day. -Valerie Harper

Keep your chin up, and don't go to the funeral – mine or yours or your loved one's – until the day of the funeral because then you miss the life that you have left. -Valerie Harper

I think it's very important to allow people into Ted Kennedy. Thousands of people lined the streets the day of his funeral. -Jason Clarke

I almost moved into a place over a funeral parlor. My father said, 'That's just too macabre,' but I thought I'd be embracing my mortality. I told him it would keep me grounded – like when people get skull tattoos. -Jennifer Connelly

Too often, when transgender people die, family members or funeral homes will end up dressing a body of a transgender person in the garments of the gender that they were assigned at birth instead of their gender identity. They're often dead-named and misgendered. -Sarah McBride

An elephant funeral makes me weep every time, and so does an ad with a kid leaving home for college. -Andrew Sean Greer

The joy of 'The X-files' is how it plays on so many different realities never knowing what is the truth and what is the deception. So my approach to my character has always been that we are alive and have always been alive and were never 'killed off' but held a fake funeral in 'Jump the Shark' to get the heat off of us. -Dean Haglund

When my wife's sister passed away, Bernie Madoff came to the funeral. That was the type of individual that we all thought he was – a very caring individual. -Norman Braman

My nighttime look is exactly like my daytime look – like I'm going to a super fancy funeral. I guess it would be considered extreme to most people, but I like it that way. The idea of conventional beauty isn't attractive to me… that's why, when I was growing up, I felt kind of torn about makeup. -Kat Von D

I remember watching that scene in 'My Girl' where Anna Chlumsky cries at a funeral. I would cry with her and be like, 'Yeah, I think I could do that. I could do a funeral scene.' -Lucy Boynton

I will miss my pal Dominick Dunne. I am sure his funeral will be just the sort of event he would have loved. Based on who will be there, I am sure he wishes he could have been there to cover it. -Dan Abrams

When it's the funeral scene of 'My Girl,' and Thomas is in the casket, and the young lady is screaming that he can't see without his glasses, you can absolutely, absolutely cry. Perfectly big, crazy tears all over your shirt, into the arms of others. -Charlamagne tha God

I have been told that I have been played at – my music's been played at funerals, deaths, births, weddings. Weddings, I find very surprising. -Patty Griffin

I had this struggle of, what do I do to make sure my brother is still part of everything that I do? As I was driving up to his funeral, it hit me. I'm going to wear his number. -Taysom Hill

I tweeted that I wanted Little Mix's 'Touch' played at my funeral – I think that'd be a great song to send me into the abyss. -Lewis Capaldi

So much music in Africa was created for specific moments, written for rituals or for a funeral or for challenges, thousands of years ago, and these rhythms are still used. -Ludwig Goransson

Dad was wiped from our lives. The day after he died, every photo of him disappeared from the house. It was as if he'd never existed. Me and my brothers weren't even allowed to go to his funeral. His death was made absolute. -Ant Middleton

Bollywood is a great place. You can expect support for award ceremonies, weddings, and funerals. -Pooja Bhatt

When my dad passed away, I was under a lot of stress with planning a funeral, trying to pick out just the right flowers and pictures, and simply trying to find the right way to say goodbye. -Natalya Neidhart

I wouldn't want my funeral to be a sad, sappy thing. -Vinnie Paul

I don't go to racers' funerals. -Guy Martin

I was working for Martin Finnegan. He was my best mate in racing. I went to his wedding in November 2007. No-one else from the racing world was invited apart from me and my girlfriend. The funeral was the following May. -Guy Martin

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